Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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