So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
