i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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