he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
