make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize