he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
