i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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