is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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