So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
