I didn't shave. On purpose
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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