So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
