My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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