I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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