my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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