so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
