I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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