it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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