glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
