do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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