I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
