I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
