i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize