Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
