so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
