when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
