I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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