Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize