During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
