new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do herpes really smell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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