no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize