All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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