Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't put those talents on a resume
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
