I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize