are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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