he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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