Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
