And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize