Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
