I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
