i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
