who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
