I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
