You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
