So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
