a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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