Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
