my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sober January is a disaster.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
