keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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