There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
did i just pee glitter
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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