I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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