Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
be right there i have to get my cape
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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