So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
