The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize