I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
