it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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