I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
