Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize