You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
