he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
