All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize