can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did I show you my penis last night?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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