Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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