I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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