it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
