Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize