Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
