Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
