he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
