1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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