we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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