who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
