i may or may not be watching the land before time
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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