Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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